i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
the raccoons are back...
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