he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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