I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
So squirting runs in the family.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
