omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
you are never too drunk for berry picking
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
