It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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