are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
