i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
