paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
should my penis look like a turkey
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
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