I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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