I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
