I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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