so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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