Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
