WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
So. Much. Porn.
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