alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
