how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
You smell like a Billy Joel song
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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