i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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