dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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