Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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