apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
