You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
What drink are we having for lunch?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
so much tequila, so little girl.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
