Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
