my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
