is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
