How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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