I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Randomize
