remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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