hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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