Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
