If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
