i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Randomize
