are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
3pm strippers are depressing
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
