Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
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