Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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