You can't motorboat a personality
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
