The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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