At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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