He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
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