If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
