we're blogging at a bar
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
