I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
COCAINE IS GR8
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