So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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