life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
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