Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
