Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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