Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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