There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
