If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
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