i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
