Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
True college students do jello shots in the library
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