people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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